High Stakes Divorce, Part 3: After the Paperwork Is Signed
Everyone expects you to be “fine” once the paperwork is signed. In my experience, this is exactly when many people struggle most.
In the final part of our High Stakes Divorce series, Kim Sare, Rhiannon Compton and I looked at After: recovery, reinvention, and making it count.
PSYCHOLOGICAL
Release before reinvention
Many people miss this: release has to come before reinvention. If trauma isn't shifted somatically, it lingers. It shows up as anxiety, panic attacks (just when everyone expects you to be fine), triggers in future relationships, trauma bonding, jealousy and physical symptoms, including autoimmune disease.
Doing this work helps your children too.
Watch for toxic money wounds carried over from the relationship. Old patterns, like avoiding money or deferring to someone else on it, don't disappear on their own. Freeze is very common here. Financial trauma is how I came to this work myself, and it needs healing just as much as the relational trauma.
That's why I blend deep healing (around money trauma, relational trauma and the future you) with clear, practical money management skills. I use somatic modalities like EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), also known as tapping, rather than talking alone, which can re-traumatise and keep you stuck.
The good news? Divorce can be underrated. You can reclaim yourself and your life, emerge stronger and rise again. And learning about money can be fun: try podcasts like Financial Feminist and the AJ Bell podcast, books and online courses. Your new money manager is you.
FINANCIAL
The wealth gap doesn't close by itself
Kim shared a striking figure: after separation and divorce, the wealth gap is roughly 40% for women and 10% for men. Same event, very different impact.
Closing that gap takes deliberate action, especially around pensions. Kim describes the path to financial independence in three steps:
1. Security: safe and stable
2. Confidence: well positioned and well informed
3. Independence: fearless and free
This is a real chance to become a confident, independent money manager, not just to get back to where you were.
And if a pension was shared in your settlement, make sure it's actually implemented. It can take months, and it's easy to lose track once the divorce feels “done”. Be your own project manager. Chase your providers until you have clear confirmation the changes are complete. Don't assume it's sorted just because the paperwork is signed.
LEGAL
Implementing the Order
Rhiannon's checklist for the legal “after”:
● Apply for the Final Order, if you haven't already
● Make sure your pension sharing order is implemented
● Update your Will, your Lasting Power of Attorney and your nominated beneficiaries
● Decide which surname you'll use, and whether you need to change it
● Watch the children's routine: does it need altering?
Her advice on mindset was just as important. Don't go over it again and again, and allow yourself to let go, including the urge to keep searching for more disclosure. But do know what would count as a breach of a Court Order (children or finance), and what you could do if it happens. Forewarned is forearmed.
Then start to rebuild, brick by brick, with only you holding the key.
REFLECT
Your closing reflection
Where are you right now: Security, Confidence or Independence? What's one thing you're still holding onto that you're ready to let go of?
I'll leave you with what I said at the end of our Q&A: divorce can be the biggest chance to rewrite your life in whatever way you want. Find your way back to you, or become the person you were always meant to be, but were never allowed to be.
“The only way you can fail is by not doing anything, especially when it comes to your pension.”
KIM SARE“Hindsight is a wonderful thing. Take the bull by the horns so you can look back and be proud of yourself.”
RHIANNON COMPTON
Want the full workshops?
The live series has finished, but you can still get all four sessions, including the live Q&A:
● Get all four workshop recordings and workbooks for £67: go.familyflow.co.uk/high-stakes-workshop-series
● Or talk it through one to one with a Deep Dive Clarity Call (£97): book your call here